How I felt while I covered the Siege

My favorite subject was History and my favorite topic was the world war.

The Manila Pen siege was my first and actual shot at a near-war experience.

There were actual gunshots, tanks and military operation.

Many said this may be considered a big break for anybody’s career.

Being there, witnessing it first hand and being able to bring that news to everyone was really something.

But for me, this coverage meant so much more than just news and big breaks.

To me, it was about life and death.

Life

While I was inside the Manila Pen and didn’t know clearly when I could get out- many things came to mind.

Simple things like, will I get out in time to meet Paolo that night? Or will I even get my nails done tomorrow?

I imagined, what could my parents be thinking right now? Is mommy already sorry that she sent me to school to take up journalism?

All the time I was inside (this was before the 3pm deadline and the assault), I knew my adrenalin was high. If I worried about Paolo and my family I knew I was only overreacting. I had hope I would get out if not that night—at least I would still get out.

I didn’t think the police was serious when they made the 3pm deadline. I mean, this wasn’t the first time this happened. I never imagined they would attack since media was inside.

And then there were friends who sent text messages while I was inside the hotel. Marlon, Blaise, Nice, Dom… there were many who asked if I was okay and that they saw me inside the hotel.

I thanked God I had friends who thought about me and were concerned how I was.

But as I overheard the Magdalo soldiers say people will only be allowed to leave every thirty minutes- I knew I had to let go of my optimism this would end as I hoped it would.

While I pleaded with the Magdalo soldier to let me out, I imagined more serious things like, I don’t want to be held hostage inside this hotel and be the news.

I imagined, I didn’t want to be here.

I wanted to go out and be safe and come home to my family and to Paolo.

I was scared when I was told I couldn’t get out… I hated my job for one second and thought I wasn’t obligated to be here.

Thanks to the two hotel staff who knew of another way out.

Death

If there was one thing I am thankful to my bosses at GMA for, it was their decision to get out of the hotel before the military began the assault.

Yes, journalism and bringing the news mattered—but thanks to them they believed our lives mattered more.

While I ran for my life out of the hotel I admittedly was scared like no other.

If you were running against gunshots and you see tanks and tons of soldiers everywhere—will you not feel scared?

I thought if I died today while I did this job, I could never forgive myself for being here.

I didn’t think about looking so dirty that time, running barefoot on a wet street—I just wanted to run away and far from that place and be safe.

I was thinking about Paolo and all our dreams together…

and how I wanted to embrace him after all this is done.

But I was also scared—will I ever see the end of this? I prayed to God I would. I wanted so badly to be okay.

I saw faces of employees running, hotel guests (mostly foreigners) taking their luggages with them as they ran…

There was fear and uncertainty all around. I thought—how could one person be so irresponsible and think only about himself?

How could one person be so irresponsible and start all this mess?

Then there acts of kindness—

Tina who held my hand and helped me run.

The soldier who lifted me up when I fell.

TJ and Ma’am Kelly bringing us food.

My assistant Kuya Winston not leaving me behind.

Jun Veneracion waiting for me at the end of the road.

My bestfriend Anafe who kept on calling me and even when I already told her I was safe, still insisted I was inside the hotel.

When I was finally settled and heard the gunshots from the other side of the road, I called Paolo and told him my ordeal.

Hearing his voice on the other end of the line was such relief.

I thanked God was safe and alive.

I knew I’d see Paolo and embrace him again.