In anticipation

Hongkong I can't wait for you.

I'm soo excited!!!! :)

Lovefull 2008

My relationship with Powee is one- if not the best thing that ever happened to me.
Yes, it happened when we both least expected it and it lasts while we both wonder how...

There were rocky roads along the way.. and we know just how much we try every single day to make it work the way we want it to be...

But yes, again, it's worth every tear and frustration and anger and love.

Friends and I have shared desperations over failed wedding plans over the past year-- some of us have become bitter and hopeless about it. I also went through the same thing maybe not with the same intensity as the others-- but I know how it felt to want something so badly and not see it happen.

But life is not about schedules, and love is not about planned occasions.

Things always happen for a reason. And though the reasons may be those I will refuse to understand-- I will surrender.

Because I love. And in my heart I know it is the love I'm meant to have.

So here's a toast to a lovefull 2008-- that may not end in a wedding as earlier planned, but at least a peep into a beautiful wedding.. somewhere, sometime when stars conspire to make it real-- finally.

It's Christmas! =)

I grew up not having a happy Christmas. Somethings always came up during Noche Buena that made my past Christmases sad.

Last night as my family returned from a 2-day trip in Zamboanga, I thought it wouldn't again be a happy Christmas for me. But God is good and I'm thankful.

This I can say was one of the happiest I had personally and with my family.
It was a Christmas I was blessed to have spent with a family now stable with everything we need in life... happy sisters I can talk to like old people.. a brother, cousins and friends.

There's Paoi and his family I treasure the most.

I had little things to give to my little ones (my inaanaks)... and for the most important people in my life.

Yes, this Christmas it was happy. =)

I couldn't be more thankful.

A blessed Christmas to everyone.

Friends and Christmas

Since I graduated from college in 2004-- it's the second year my college barkada won't be having a happy Christmas get together.

Maybe it's the distance and the time that has really set us all apart. Or maybe we're all just busy.

Christmas 2005 was the best get together we had we were almost complete (almost)... we only had coffee in Starbucks before the New Year.

But now, it seemed harder to get us all together.

Nonetheless I attempted to set up a coffee date get together on the 28th- in the hope of rekindling old friendships I hold dear in my heart.

Oh it's probably just the feel of Christmas that's making me sentimental.

But really, everyday, I miss all seven of them.

Pictures from that Makati Standoff

Ratings, eh?

I couldn't take it watching TV Patrol today.

I mean, why did they have to report about themselves? Like how the government (as they said) were apologetic for saying they will investigate some media entities with regards to the Manila pen Siege? Or how they defended themselves when they decided not to pull out from the site?

From someone who was there and saw it happen, here are my two-cents worth views.

"The Scoop"

And so they got all the exclusive shots from inside when the thing was happening. But the question is- was that a wise decision to stay when authorities have instructed the media to leave?

I am guilty of not following Gen. Barias the first time he asked us to leave before the 3pm deadline. When he told me to leave, I went up with my crew and went where most of the media were. I was as I remember, one of those who cheered when he was pushed outside by the Magdalo.

But I was thankful my network had this management call to ask us to leave the hotel before the assault. That's the wisest management decision for me.

Never mind not having all the exclusive videos- at least we can be proud of two things:
*Management cares for their people than the story or the scoop
*We follow instructions.

As they say, no story is worth dying for. Like Kuya Jun R said-- Wala ng sumusweldong bayani ngayon.

I mean, we are media people. We are not heroes. We deliver the news-- we are NOT the news. We should be first to follow instructions-- not first to violate them.

And so when our lives are put in danger, let us not blame other people. Let us not overreact and rant about how government is unfair towards us.

We were all told to leave. At least our desk officers, our bosses were told to leave before that assault deadline-- WHY DID THERE HAVE TO BE A CHOICE, mister?

I understand the desire for a scoop-- and how the people deserve to know what's happening. But I guess not at the expense of saving lives. Or at least, not at the expense of blaming it all on government.

Was it just about the ratings now?

If so, I so hate this job.

How I felt while I covered the Siege

My favorite subject was History and my favorite topic was the world war.

The Manila Pen siege was my first and actual shot at a near-war experience.

There were actual gunshots, tanks and military operation.

Many said this may be considered a big break for anybody’s career.

Being there, witnessing it first hand and being able to bring that news to everyone was really something.

But for me, this coverage meant so much more than just news and big breaks.

To me, it was about life and death.

Life

While I was inside the Manila Pen and didn’t know clearly when I could get out- many things came to mind.

Simple things like, will I get out in time to meet Paolo that night? Or will I even get my nails done tomorrow?

I imagined, what could my parents be thinking right now? Is mommy already sorry that she sent me to school to take up journalism?

All the time I was inside (this was before the 3pm deadline and the assault), I knew my adrenalin was high. If I worried about Paolo and my family I knew I was only overreacting. I had hope I would get out if not that night—at least I would still get out.

I didn’t think the police was serious when they made the 3pm deadline. I mean, this wasn’t the first time this happened. I never imagined they would attack since media was inside.

And then there were friends who sent text messages while I was inside the hotel. Marlon, Blaise, Nice, Dom… there were many who asked if I was okay and that they saw me inside the hotel.

I thanked God I had friends who thought about me and were concerned how I was.

But as I overheard the Magdalo soldiers say people will only be allowed to leave every thirty minutes- I knew I had to let go of my optimism this would end as I hoped it would.

While I pleaded with the Magdalo soldier to let me out, I imagined more serious things like, I don’t want to be held hostage inside this hotel and be the news.

I imagined, I didn’t want to be here.

I wanted to go out and be safe and come home to my family and to Paolo.

I was scared when I was told I couldn’t get out… I hated my job for one second and thought I wasn’t obligated to be here.

Thanks to the two hotel staff who knew of another way out.

Death

If there was one thing I am thankful to my bosses at GMA for, it was their decision to get out of the hotel before the military began the assault.

Yes, journalism and bringing the news mattered—but thanks to them they believed our lives mattered more.

While I ran for my life out of the hotel I admittedly was scared like no other.

If you were running against gunshots and you see tanks and tons of soldiers everywhere—will you not feel scared?

I thought if I died today while I did this job, I could never forgive myself for being here.

I didn’t think about looking so dirty that time, running barefoot on a wet street—I just wanted to run away and far from that place and be safe.

I was thinking about Paolo and all our dreams together…

and how I wanted to embrace him after all this is done.

But I was also scared—will I ever see the end of this? I prayed to God I would. I wanted so badly to be okay.

I saw faces of employees running, hotel guests (mostly foreigners) taking their luggages with them as they ran…

There was fear and uncertainty all around. I thought—how could one person be so irresponsible and think only about himself?

How could one person be so irresponsible and start all this mess?

Then there acts of kindness—

Tina who held my hand and helped me run.

The soldier who lifted me up when I fell.

TJ and Ma’am Kelly bringing us food.

My assistant Kuya Winston not leaving me behind.

Jun Veneracion waiting for me at the end of the road.

My bestfriend Anafe who kept on calling me and even when I already told her I was safe, still insisted I was inside the hotel.

When I was finally settled and heard the gunshots from the other side of the road, I called Paolo and told him my ordeal.

Hearing his voice on the other end of the line was such relief.

I thanked God was safe and alive.

I knew I’d see Paolo and embrace him again.